Shellack That: Palin in 2012!

(A letter to the editors of the WBO, received a day after the recent mid-term elections)

To Whom It May Concern,

Well I stand chastised, humbled, embarrassed but reborn. I was wrong about so many things. We finally have a reason to abandon hopey changey rhetoric, and I for one have decided to make the shift, to sell out, to crossover, to make the joyful journey from reason to the absurd. And so I say proudly “Palin in 2012,” and why the hell not. A vast new chain store has opened in my brain: Clowns R Us.

The recent midterms have merely shown us what we have unconsciously known all along, that democracy is no longer a workable form of government in America. Why? Because democratic politics have been absorbed by the Entertainment Industry, which is now the single dominant force of social organization and power in this country. New York, despite its self-congratulatory liberalism, has completed its transition into just another suburb of L.A. Truth gives way to fantasy. Or is it the opposite? Who can tell. I was never much of a believer in reality anyway, except that it continues to dog me with bills and bull.

Perhaps this catastrophic failure of the American political system is related to the catastrophic failure of the American educational system wherein you no longer neither need to read or write to graduate college. You only need to be able to change the channel to exercise your right to choose. John Lennon once said to Imagine was a good thing, but we now have our pods to imagine for us—another farming out of the vital processes of the mind.

We used to think something like: if people can’t read, how are they supposed to tell the difference between reality and fiction. Well, this is no longer a valid argument because reality has been abolished, if indeed there was ever anything that could have been called reality. Or maybe reality has failed, has shown itself to be meager and wanting in the onslaught of fiction. This failure of reality has been demonstrated over and over again. A man who never saw combat (Bush) and never served in the actual army is heralded as a war hero. The real war hero (Kerry) who fought on the front lines in Vietnam is branded a coward. Everyone hates Obama-care, even though they actually agree with almost every facet of it. They will probably vote to repeal it and then they will blame the Democrats for not doing anything about it. Everyone hates the deficit, even though they cheered it on less than two years ago. Recent polls have shown that Americans would rather have jobs than a clean environment—well that’s obvious. Swift boating is the new truth of our time. Global warming? Are you kidding? Have you noticed how cold it is getting?

Republicans (otherwise known as liars) run as democrats, and democrats (otherwise known as cowards) run as republicans. Most Americans vote directly against their own best interests and fuck you if you point it out to them. Where did our jobs go cry the middle and working class, not realizing that they voted them away themselves when they voted for Reagan, Clinton and Bush. I’d rather save five dollars on a polyester turtle neck from Mexico right now than have a job in two years. Well suckers you got what you paid for. Better learn Mandarin or Hindi, because the jobs are not coming back and everyone knows it. Good thing the Chinese are capable of making cheap enough consumer goods so we can at least afford something on our new perpetual minimum wage.

But we’re Americans, the very best breed of dog in the world. New Yorkers can often be heard mouthing this “truth” as they plod through this vast shopping mall that they insist is a “great” city, combing their dyed hair in Barney’s and Bloomburg’s mirrors, calling themselves liberal even though consumption is all they know how to do. While the NYPD slaughters black men in the street, the evils of the empire are outsourced to vague suggestions of evil Midwesterners roaming a bleak landscape somewhere “out there” with their dirty blond hair, shotguns and ignorant attitudes causing all our New York woes. The whole cast of back patting radio and TV pundits structure a NIMBY narrative that somehow leaves them and their cronies pure and prejudice free. We’re not racist, cry the Leonard Lopates and Brian Leherers—it’s those conservatives out in Minnesota fucking up our trip.

Meanwhile Wall Street (which pays the taxes on this priviledged lifestyle) rapes the nation like a third world prostitute, glad to be headed for two more years of congressional gridlock. Gladder still of the “right” to refuse to listen. The people will fool themselves—we don’t even need to do it for them. Thus five percent or seven percent or even twelve percent of the American people are now “We the People,” and winning by three percentage points is now considered a landslide, a mandate. But you can’t expect much from the information-addicted zombies wandering distracted through the Brooklyn streets. Yeah art, they cry. Yeah me. Let’s shop for liberty! Where’s the next cool restaurant?

Keep the people dumb and addicted—that is the strategy of the plutocracy. Let them think they are free and they will resist to the death all forms of real freedom. This is what Isaiah Berlin called negative freedom as opposed to positive revolutionary freedom. American freedom is now (negatively) interpreted as the freedom to shop, freedom to pontificate into the empty un-hearing void, the freedom to stroke your gadgets and bitch endlessly about those other people who are fucking things up. But who can blame them: the revolution is digitized. It is also easily dismissed. On to the funway, the freedomway.

Indeed, the Chinese factory worker who recently said “We will swallow you,” is probably better educated then the average American BA. Therefore I say bring in the clowns—the Paladinos and the Pauls. I was even tempted to vote for Paladino as opposed to the scumbag Cuomo. Just for fun. To make life interesting. I think it is, in fact, a Chinese proverb that wishes one should live in “interesting times.” Well I can think of nothing more interesting than the end of the world, which I seriously would like to witness. That’s how small my mind has become. I can feel it shrinking right now, right along with my bank account while our country’s leaders crawl like dogs or hogs along the endless campaign trail of talk shows and comedy skits. That’s why I say what the hell, Palin in 2012, bring on the apocalypse. Shellack that, assholes.

—an American Patriot