Obama/Palin in 2012!

2011 July 7
by Turk Studzel

Hey, Barack, why not go all the way? Letting the "inner honky" shine!

Dear President Obama,

Let me be blunt—many people are beginning to wonder whether you have what it takes to win again; many are beginning to think that you’re a one-term kind of guy. Despite your overwhelming electoral mandate in 2008, you’re losing support like a leaky waterbed in a bordello.

First, there’s the oft-quoted political factoid that since FDR, no incumbent president has been re-elected when the unemployment rate was over 7%. As you know,  it’s currently hovering above 9%—which is more like 20% without the statistical fudging—and few see hope for improvement any time soon. Second, there’s the problem of your liberal-progressive “base,” which you’ve alienated at every turn. You were elected, in a large part, for your posturing as an antiwar candidate, one who promised to repudiate the Bush catastrophes and restore our foreign policy to sanity, but I now count five or six wars in progress. LOL, huh?

Let’s face it—your campaign announcement several weeks ago did little to excite anyone, and without a more galvanizing “message,” you and your party face a “shellacking” more thorough than in 2010. Indeed, I can’t help but feel sorry for your political strategists, who will no doubt pull a lot of all-nighters between now and Election Day 2012 trying to put a credible spin on problems like those below:

1. After doing an about-face on nearly every position that got you elected in 2008, what kind of campaign rhetoric and theme can you bring to 2012? Why should anybody believe a word that you say?

2. What about the glaring paradoxes of being the Nobel Peace Prize Laureate who, at the same time, is commander-in-chief of the most powerful, far-flung, expensive, and active military in history? Doesn’t this provide huge potential for embarrassment in 2012?

3. With Osama bin Laden dead, how will you continue to justify the war in Afghanistan? How will you explain to Americans the continued presence of 40,000-50,000 U.S. troops in Iraq? How will you justify the invasion—which seems increasingly certain—of Libya?

4. How will you prosecute of Bradley Manning and Julian Assange without opening a huge can of worms to public scrutiny? What about all those campaign statements you made about “government transparency”?

I could go on and on, but I’m sure you and your advisers are aware of the problem. Fact is, the “Brand Obama” that sold so well in 2008 faces some serious “identity” issues in 2012. One more example—after your lickspittle catering to the demands of billionaires, can anyone really picture you as a “friend of the poor and working class”? What a joke, huh? It seems to me, that in order to bamboozle a majority of Americans into voting “Obama” again, you’re going to need some radical “outside-the-box” thinking.

That’s where Sarah Palin comes in!

Think about it: Obama/Palin in 2012…Talk about “triangulation”! Running with  Palin would“out-triangulate” anything ol’ Bubba’s people pulled off! And talk about “post-racial bipartisanship”! Republicans will be tripping over their dicks…Think “Tea Party Democrats,” with some Koch Brothers money thrown in.

A coalition like this could—with no apologies to anyone—get right down to the business of handing the Social Security fund to Wall Street, dismantling Medicare and Medicaid, cutting the average wage in half, and giving the Pentagon free reign to spread market democracy around the world. Lord knows you’re sick of the constant criticisms of the liberals and progressives in your so-called “base”—always carping about “peace” and “justice” and the “social safety net”—just as you’re sick of the Rush Limbaughs and Glenn Becks. Why not just be done with ‘em? They’ve served their purpose as “useful idiots”—and many will no doubt continue to play this role no matter what you do. Show ‘em who’s Commander-in-Chief! After all, it’s not like you’ve got any scruples to worry about…

In fact, many pundits have speculated that your administration resembles what George W. Bush’s might have been had he somehow been allowed a third term. Well, it seems obvious, don’t you think, that if Bush had run again, Sarah Palin would have been his VP. After all, Dick Cheney was becoming a liablity; his Darth Vader persona was too scary to the public. And then, of course, there’s the health issues. Your situation is slightly different—most Americans don’t even know who your vice-president is. Joe Biden, who’s Joe Biden? Sarah Palin’s name recognition, on the other hand, nears 99%…

So I say, “Obama/Palin in 2012!” Got a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?



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